Some people have a fairly easy time when it comes to relationships. On the other hand, some people find relationships to be so challenging, and as a result, they tend to suffer from commitment phobia, fear relationships or even become overly anxious.
Fear of commitment is a genuine concern that affects many people more so when they have to make a commitment such as moving in or becoming exclusive. It is a challenge that affects both men and women regardless of their age and sexual orientation.
If you have commitment issues or you’re in a relationship with a partner who is anxious about committing then either you or they are likely to sabotage a relationship that you initially thought was good or get in and out of a relationship after a short period of time. You are also likely to give up on a relationship due to insignificant issues or develop love interest very quickly and after some time lose it.
If the above characteristics describe you or your partner, don’t worry. In this article, you are going to gain insights on what causes commitment phobia and how to overcome it.
What is a Commitment Phobia?
Commitment phobia refers to the anxiety and fear that one experiences whenever he or she has to make a commitment to another person, particularly in a romantic relationship.
When you have commitment phobia, you are likely to avoid forming a long-term relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend. However, during the initial stages of the relationship, you tend to be very happy because you are free and there is nothing that is holding you back.
There are some clear tell-tale signs that a person has a commitment phobia. Although this is more common with men, women too can also experience commitment phobia. Here are some critically important things you can do if your boyfriend has started to pull away from you.
Causes of Commitment Phobia
The causes of fear to commit vary from one person to another and they include:
- Having failed relationships in the past or a history of a cheating partner
- Witnessing the unsatisfactory relationship between your parents due to issues such as alcoholism, domestic violence, cheating, just to mention, but a few
- Fear of been loved due to low self-esteem
- You are afraid that your relationship will change once you get married
- You fear the relationship will end and so you decide to end it to avoid going through the pain
- Unmet childhood desires or childhood trauma
How to Overcome Your Fear of Commitment
It is normal to fear being hurt, and if you have been through situations that have contributed to this fear, you are not alone. In order to be able to make a change in your life and romantic relationships per se, it is important that you take certain steps that will help you resolve your commitment issues.
Work with a relationship therapist
The first step you would need to take is to find yourself a good relationship therapist who understands how people attach to each other, particularly in romantic relationships. The therapist will be able to help you gain insights on what could be hindering you from getting into or sustaining a steady, loving and healthy union.
Learn to face your fear of commitment
If you really want to conquer your fear of commitment, it is important that you learn to accept the idea of having to make a lifelong commitment even when it is not very clear what the future has in store for you. Additionally, it is important that you understand that you will never take that step of committing yourself if you keep waiting for a time when you will be free of doubts because that time will never come.
Learn to take risks
It is important that you get out of your comfort zone by deciding to take risks. If you are in a relationship with someone who appears to have all the qualities that you desire, it wouldn’t hurt to make a commitment to him or her. In the long run, you are likely to have a very rewarding relationship. So, you might want to take the risk of giving the relationship a chance.
Date someone with whom you have common values
In order to overcome the fear of commitment, it is important that you date someone with similar principles, values or standards. Getting into a relationship with someone whose values, standards or principles are significantly different is likely to increase your chances of divorce due to increased marital problems.
Take your time to know someone
It is important that you take your time to know someone by dating for at least one to two years. During this time period, you are able to understand the good and bad qualities of your partner, which helps to reduce chances of divorce.
Many individuals have a desire to be in a stable, loving and healthy union, but they are not always able to find the kind of love that they want because they are always sabotaging and undermining their chances. Commitment phobia or commitment issues are a real issue, and it is possible to change.
All you need to do is to always keep in mind that it is possible to have a meaningful relationship with someone if only you stop worrying too much about the unknown. Do not miss out on a good relationship because of fear to commit.